


Cabin Pressure: The Mile-High Dating Club

by nero749



Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Cabin Pressure - Freeform, F/M, Gen, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-09
Updated: 2016-01-09
Packaged: 2018-05-12 21:19:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5681119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nero749/pseuds/nero749
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In an attempt to win a victory over Douglas, Martin sees himself forced into joining a dating site. Much to his own surprise, he actually gets a reply. Martin plans to meet the woman, but it will all depend on his date actually BELIEVING he's the captain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cabin Pressure: The Mile-High Dating Club

**Author's Note:**

> Another older work I've brought over from fanfiction, this one is for Cabin Pressure, a wonderful radio show you should definitely check out if you can.

"Would I be correct in thinking my two pilots have yet to do I single pre take-off check?" Carolyn asked as she entered the small room.

Martin immediately started to move uncomfortably in his seat. "But Carolyn," he started to yammer, "take-off isn't for another…"

"Five days," Carolyn interrupted him.

"What?" Martin stammered, looking at Douglas and Arthur, wondering if once again he was the only one not getting it.

"Ah, the fickle finger of stock market millionaires," Douglas said dryly.

"Indeed," Carolyn answered. "It seems the trip has been postponed. Therefore you can now all stop taking up space, and go home."

Martin stared longingly out of the window, he had wanted to fly today. Douglas shrugged ever so slightly and got up to follow Carolyn to her car. Arthur did as well.

Without even giving anyone else the option, Douglas got in the front seat. Martin glared at him and tried to think of some kind of witty comment, until he gave up and just sat down in the back - sulking. Arthur's smiling face next to him wasn't helping either.

"Please strap in," Carolyn said. Then she turned her head to check the back seat passengers, and added, "Martin, please help Arthur with his seatbelt."

"Onwards," Douglas said sarcastically while making a gesture with his hand. Carolyn ignored him, and the gesture.

 

It wasn't long before they reached a rather dull looking apartment building. It was where Douglas had moved after his third divorce. Carolyn stopped the car and turned to Douglas, waiting for him to get out.

"Always a pleasure," Douglas said mockingly and then got out. He leaned back in to say goodbye to Arthur and Martin before closing the door behind him and disappearing into the building.

Carolyn started the car and was preparing to leave, when she suddenly let out an irritated cry and turned off the motor again.

"Who of you two idiots will bring the first officer - the other idiot - his bag?" she asked, looking at them via the rear view mirror.

"Oh, I will…" Arthur brightly started to say, but was stopped by his mother.

"What am I saying," she said to herself, "Martin, you will have to do it of course." Martin's smug look was completely lost on Arthur. "There's slightly less chance of you getting lost," Carolyn added smoothly.

Martin's expression turned into that of a petulant child, and he was mumbling something as he got out of the car, opened the passenger's seat and took out Douglas' bag.

Still mumbling complaints, he walked up to the building and prepared to ring the bell to get buzzed in. Luckily someone was just leaving the building and Martin managed to catch the door before it fell shut again.

_5th floor, nr. 533_ , he kept repeating to himself. When the elevator finally came to a frankly frightening abrupt stop at the fifth floor, Martin was still repeating the numbers and mumbling complaints at the same time. The hallway was grey and damp and smelled… well, suspicious.

Douglas' door was a weird kind of red-purple that had started to peal off to reveal an orangey colour. Martin pressed the bell and then, realising it wasn't doing anything, knocked on the door.

Less than a minute later the door swung open and Douglas was looking slightly irritated. "Ah," he began, "what have I done to be graced by the presence of our esteemed captain?"

Martin pursed his lips and tried his best not to let himself get goaded into replying. Because Douglas would win. He always won and Martin was always humiliated.

Martin shoved the bag at Douglas. "Next time I'll just leave it in Carolyn's car, shall I?" Martin said with more than a little venom in his voice.

"Ah," Douglas said and he turned around to put the bag somewhere. Martin didn't see where, because he got distracted by what he could see behind Douglas. The apartment was rather small - the front door led directly to the living room - and he could very clearly see Douglas' computer in the small living room, and what was on its screen. Martin couldn't help but smirk a little, because he knew he had now finally found something he could humiliate Douglas with. Finally he would have one up on him.

"Was there something else?" Douglas asked, once again obscuring Martin's view of his computer.

Martin returned his attention to Douglas face. "Er, what?" he said, rather less smoothly than he would've liked. "No," he eventually said, "that'll be all." Martin turned to leave and as he did, a smile crept across his face.

 

A horrible sound was coming from the room next to the one Martin was in at the moment. To the inexperienced listener it would've sounded like some kind of animal in its final death throws. To Martin however, it sounded like Arthur. Arthur humming a tune. Or bravely attempting to, at least.

But today that didn't bother Martin, today it was a good sign, because that meant he could safely continue his work without the risk of getting caught. Today they were on standby and he knew that meant Douglas would at least be an hour late, and that meant he had an hour to prepare his plan.

Happily he typed away on his laptop. Normally Martin never took his laptop to work, unless he was giving a safety briefing with powerpoint, but today it had a different purpose. After a lot of searching he had finally found the site he had seen on Douglas' computer. It had been hard because they all had such ridiculous names. Thankfully, Martin had been on a few of them himself - never seriously, of course - so he recognised that it had to be either 'Meant2be,' 'Love4you,' or… well at least it had to be one with a number in the title. And now he had found it!

Douglas was on a dating site! Oh, how much fun would Martin have, ridiculing him with this little piece of information. Now all he had to do was find Douglas' profile, print it out - 50 times or so - and spread it around.

Martin was so caught up in his work and the joy he felt because of it, that he failed to notice the humming had stopped. Failed to notice until, "Hey Skipper, what are you doing?" Arthur's happy little voice filled the room and felt as an utterly violent attack on Martin's privacy.

"What? Nothing!" he said. "Nothing!" he said again. "Nothing!" he failed to think of anything intelligent to say.

"Are you on a dating site?" Arthur asked. Martin was surprised he even knew what that was.

"No, I'm not!" Martin said, feeling attacked.

"I think it's great skipper, that you…"

"I am not on any dating site!" Martin said defensively.

"Then why are you…" Arthur said innocently.

Martin sighed. "Fine, I'll tell you, but you have to promise me to not mention it to either your mother or Douglas, until I do."

Arthur nodded solemnly.

"Alright then," Martin said, moving his seat so Arthur could look at the computer screen as well. "Somewhere on this site is Douglas' profile and I have to…"

"Douglas is on the site?" Oddly enough Arthur sounded impressed.

"Yes," Martin said irritably. "But that's not the point, I have to find his profile, but it won't let me access the profiles…"

"Because you're not a member," Arthur said brightly as ever.

"How do you know that?" Martin asked suspiciously.

"Because you just said you weren't on any of the sites," Arthur answered simply.

"Yes... but how do you know you have to be a member?"

"It says so on the screen," Arthur pointed at it.

"Oh, I see." Martin felt his heart sink. He bit his lip, trying to think of a solution, but really there was only one, wasn't there?

He would have to join, but only to humiliate Douglas and only because he had to, and he would quit the second he'd found Douglas' profile.

"Bad luck, skipper," Arthur said.

"Not at all, Arthur," Martin said. "Not at all." He clicked the join button.

"Rats, it won't let me go through until I've filled in my own profile," Martin grumbled under his breath.

"Don't you know how to?" Arthur asked sympathetically.

"Of course I know how to!" Martin retorted. He had just hoped not to have to do this. Of course he could just fill in complete nonsense to get through, but that wasn't in his nature. When Martin saw a form to be filled in, he did it properly.

His fingers danced across the keyboard, filling in all required fields and quickly clicking 'save.' Finally he could look for Douglas' page.

 

"AAHH! It's impossible!" Martin let out after half an hour of searching for Douglas. "I don't know how anyone ever finds someone on here!"

"Maybe it was another site!" Arthur said. His enthusiasm was still going strong, though Martin doubted he knew why.

"No it wasn't! It definitely was this site! I know it!" He leaned back in his chair and let out a long aggravated breath. Douglas could be here any minute now, so how the hell was he going to find his profile on time? Let alone print it out and distribute it… He rubbed his temples and tried to focus on finding a solution.

"I'm going for a walk," he announced and got up. A nice walk around the jet always made him feel better. Made him remember he was a captain and… Martin sighed and walked out of the room.

"Skipper! Skipper!" Arthur ran out to meet Martin. Martin had only been walking for about 20 minutes, so he didn't understand this enthusiastic response to his reappearance. Arthur's smile seemed to have grown even wider than usual and his eyes were bright as ever.

"Skipper, skipper!" He called out again, running towards Martin. "Someone placed a reaction on your profile!"

"Arthur," Martin started to explain patiently, "it isn't a real profile, I only made it to…," he paused. "Someone placed a reaction?" He asked dumbfounded.

"Yes!" Arthur started running back inside and Martin found himself running as well.

"That was really fast," he said while sitting down behind the computer.

"She sounds really nice," Arthur said.

_A professional photographer, his age, loves aviation…_ There wasn't a photograph. _Great, so she's a dog_ , Martin thought to himself. On the other hand, he hadn't posted a photograph either and he wasn't… well he wasn't either… but he wasn't completely… Martin decided to stop thinking about it.

"What are you going to say?" Arthur asked.

"I'm not going to say anything," Arthur answered, "it's not…" he looked at the screen again. Like Martin she had chosen not to show her real name, but use a username. Still…

"…she sounds so lovely," Martin said distracted.

"Yeah," Arthur smiled, "so what are you going to say?"

Much to his own surprise, Martin found himself replying. And it turned out 'Lisse663' was online at the moment…

"Good morning my happy flyers," Douglas' voice boomed through the small room.

"Yes, it would have been morning," Carolyn said, as she was coming in after him. "If you had been even remotely on time! Really Douglas, two hours? That's a new record, even for you."

Carolyn's bickering prevented Douglas from noticing Martin hastily closing his laptop and then hastily turning red. He had been talking to 'Lisse663' for almost an hour now. Martin picked up his laptop and got up to leave. "I think I'll start preparing now," he said.

"With your laptop?" Carolyn called out after him, but Martin didn't respond.

"Aah!" Martin yelped as Arthur pulled open the closet door.

"Hello skipper," he said brightly, then his expression changed as he realised it wasn't usual to find the captain in a closet filled with cleaning supplies. "Er, is something wrong?" Arthur asked.

"No, not at all," Martin said. However, he didn't get up to get out of the closet. So Arthur decided it would be best to get in as well, he managed to sit down next to Martin and closed the door. "So why are we in here then?" he asked cheerfully.

Martin turned to look at Arthur's face that now was being lit by the bluish glare coming from Martin's laptop screen. "Well I don't know why you are in here," he said. Looking at the steward who was now sitting uncomfortably close to him. "But I am still… well, erm…"

"Talking to the girl from the dating site you're on?" Arthur suggested helpfully.

"I'm not on any dating site!" Martin responded angrily, then realised he would have to keep his voice down to prevent anyone else from finding him in here. This time with Arthur squeezed in next to him, which would make things ever so slightly harder to explain. "But yes, that was what I was doing." Martin hesitated, not sure if he should tell Arthur about this next bit, but he was just too excited not to tell anyone.

"Arthur," he said, "you know how we're on standby until tonight when we have the Delhi flight?"

Arthur nodded, which looked eerie in the odd lighting.

"And you know it's still pretty much an empty flight, because we're only for the spill over from the main flight?"

Arthur did not know that, but nodded anyway.

"Well, I think I'm going to meet her!"

Arthur didn't understand what Martin was saying, so he nodded anyway.

Martin frowned at him, but was too excited to get agitated. "I told her about it and how cheap the tickets are and she always wanted to go to Delhi, and now I think she's coming with us! She's going to book the flight!"

"That's very nice!" Arthur said. He paused before asking, "so why are we in the closet?"

Martin let out a deep sigh, closed his laptop and got up, left the closet and closed the door behind him. Arthur happily smiled in the dark.

"So how will you recognise her?" Arthur asked. He was leaning close to Martin and whispering so Carolyn and Douglas wouldn't hear. Arthur and Martin were standing at the open hatch, ready to let the passengers of their Delhi flight in. Douglas was already in the cabin and Carolyn was straightening seat covers.

"I won't be able to recognise her, but she knows I'm the captain, so I'm sure she'll recognise me. Also, she said she'd be taking one of her cameras with her, so I'm pretty sure she'll be carrying a camera bag," Martin's smile was positively beaming.

Arthur smiled back. "That's why you're here, greeting the passengers with me, skipper?"

"Exactly!"

 

"Martin!" Carolyn called out from somewhere in the back of the cabin. Martin cringed at the sound of his name, knowing this couldn't be good.

"I do appreciate that you want as many people as possible to believe you're the captain…," Carolyn said.

"I am the captain!" Martin interjected.

"Yes dear, we know," Carolyn said, "believe me, we know, but it is not necessary for you to greet the passengers, you have other things to do. Now please be so kind as to remove yourself to the flight deck."

"But Carolyn," Martin yammered.

"Now please, Martin."

Grumbling under his breath again, Martin moved towards the flight deck. Missing the pretty girl that had just walked in, carrying a camera bag…

"Good evening to yourself," Arthur greeted the girl, completely seeing the camera bag but not realising what it meant.

"You seem to be in an exceptionally foul mood," Douglas remarked as Martin let himself slump down in the captain's seat.

"Carolyn won't let me greet the passengers," he said softly.

"Ah, yes, that always gets me down as well," Douglas said sarcastically. "But seeing as how we still have hours of flight time to go, I do believe you'll have enough time to greet all of our passengers personally - all eleven of them."

Douglas' remark was meant as an insult, but for once it had the opposite effect on Martin, and slowly a smile formed on his face. This time he would finally win!

 

"Ladies and gentlemen, the captain has now turned off the seatbelt sign," Douglas' voice was amplified by the intercom. Behind the closed door they could hear the shovelling of eleven passengers who were now finally allowed to use the bathroom, or just stretch their legs for a bit.

It wasn't long before Arthur entered the cabin with coffee for the two pilots. Martin bit his lip, but in the end he couldn't resist this opportunity to find out something about the eleven people sitting just out of sight.

"Arthur," he said as nonchalantly as he could right now. "Did you happen to see how much luggage everyone has taken with them?" Arthur didn't get what Martin was saying, and simply stared at him blankly. "I mean, handbags, overnight bags, camera bags…" Arthur's stare remained blank. Martin took a deep breath. "Did you happen to see any of those? Did you happen to see any camera bags?"

Douglas raised an eyebrow, realising he was missing something important, important because he was fairly certain he'd be able to mock Martin with this information.

"No," Arthur said cheerfully. Martin's face fell. "What are those?" Arthur then asked.

Martin let out a highly aggravated sigh. "You don't know what a camera bag looks like?"

"No," Arthur said, still cheerfully.

Martin sighed again and slumped back in his seat. "Never mind," he said.

As Arthur left the cabin, Douglas eyed Martin suspiciously. "Martin," he said, "is something going on?"

"No."

"Something concerning a passenger with a camera bag?"

"No."

"So then you won't mind me going back there and talking to said passenger with said camera bag?"

"No!" Martin jolted upright.

"Alright then," Douglas said, getting up from his seat.

"No I mean there's nothing going on!" Martin said hastily, but Douglas was already out of the door.

Great, Martin thought to himself. What do I do now? He couldn't think of a single way of stopping Douglas without making a complete fool of himself, in front of 'Lisse663.' Despairing, he let himself slump back into his seat.

Five minutes later Douglas entered the cabin. Martin quickly turned around and asked, "Did you find her. Him. Her or him?"

At that Douglas raised another eyebrow, and Martin felt his face turn red again at the realisation he had once again betrayed vital information to Douglas.

"No," Douglas said. "She must have put it in the overhead compartment by now."

Martin felt relieved and the smile returned to his face.

 

One hour into the flight, Martin was starting to feel restless. He had to do something. True, with the camera bag now stowed away, he would no longer be able to recognise 'Lisse663' but she would still be able to recognise him by his captain's uniform.

"I'm going to stretch my legs for a bit," Martin said to Douglas.

"But captain, how ever will I manage without you, and only my thirty years of flying experience to guide me?" Douglas replied sarcastically. For once, it didn't bother Martin.

"Good evening sir, and to you madam," Martin slowly walked down the isle, making sure every single passenger would see him in his captain's uniform. "Good evening sir, good evening madam, good evening…" That has to be her, Martin thought to himself. His body tingling with excitement, he moved further down the isle…

"Sir… Sir? Sir!" A voice came from behind him. Irritated, Martin turned around. "Yes?" he hissed through his teeth.

"Could I have another water and…"

"I am not a steward," Martin said through clenched teeth. "I am the captain," he added.

"No you're not," the elderly man stated.

"What? Yes I am," Martin retorted in a voice more suited to a child than a grown man.

"The captain was just here, and you look nothing like him," the elderly man said, "and there can't be two captains, now can there be?"

Martin took a measured breath. "I am the captain, the man you just saw was first officer Douglas -"

"I'm telling you, sir, that you are not -"

"I am! I am the captain!" Martin almost jumped. "Look!" frantically he pointed at the stripes on his uniform.

"Dear boy, I don't…"

Martin abruptly turned around, briskly walked back to the cabin and violently opened the door. Pointing at Douglas he said, "This is my first officer, and I am the captain. Please tell them, Douglas."

The look on Douglas' face was slightly bewildered. "Yes," he said in a voice that made it clear he was only amusing Martin, "I'm first officer -"

Martin interrupted him there. "You see? You see?" The elderly man looked utterly embarrassed at this sight, as did Douglas and most of the other passengers.

"Martin," Douglas said calmly, "perhaps you could shut the door now."

"No, not until it has been made perfectly clear that I am not a steward."

"It has," Douglas said in a measured voice, "now you're just embarrassing yourself."

"Ha!" Martin scoffed, "I'm embarrassing myself? I'm not the one who went on a dating site!" Martin barked out. At this Douglas only frowned, making it very clear that he had no idea what Martin was talking about. Before Martin could inquire any further, there came a clear voice from the cabin. "You're on the site! Then you must be 'Aviator441!' A beautiful girl with long blonde hair and even longer tanned legs came over to the flight deck. "I'm 'Lisse663!'" she exclaimed.

Martin's eyes grew wide and his brain was failing him once again. "No, no," he started saying, "he's not 'Aviator441,' I am…"

But 'Lisse663' didn't seem to hear him as she entered the flight deck, Douglas seemed to have her full attention. Douglas looked pleasantly surprised by the sudden attention, and why wouldn't he be.

"I thought you might be lying about being the captain," she said cheerfully, "you kept repeating it so often it became suspicious. But I don't care," she said, moving forward to Douglas who was still sitting in his seat, and still looking pleasantly surprised.

Then. 'Lisse663' kissed Douglas. Causing the ten remaining passengers to cheer, Arthur to cheer as well - because he wasn't sure what to do - and Martin to scowl at Douglas, and then slump down in his seat, having lost once again.

 


End file.
